Ah, Roland Emmerich. I still hold a huge grudge over how he raped my brains with his horrible prehistoric epic 10,000 B.C. If there's any director that I hate more than Michael Bay (in terms of overrated-ness that is) it is Mr. Emmerich himself. At least Michael Bay ain't pretentious when it comes to his movies. He knows and embraces the fact that his movies are meant to be dumb and enjoyable. Also, Michael Bay don't try to cover up his movies with pseudo-Science to make it look smart. I think that's enough about Mr. Emmerich here for now, let's get on with the review to the over-hyped movie of the year, 2012.
Story
It's 2012, it's the end of humanity as the world decided to fuck us good in almost anyway possible. There's some pseudo-Scientific explanation here and there, but fuck that. By taking interests of this movie just by watching the trailers and its other promotional materials you ain't here to watch scientists telling you WHY it will end. You are just here to watch HOW it will end. Practical bunch of people aren't we?
If you can believe a man can out-drive an earthquake that sank the whole of California, outrun a volcanic explosion and can escape unscathed (yes there's not even a scar on John Cusack's face at the end of the movie) despite coming face to face with almost any disaster ever known to man, then yes the story is Epic. If you are a person which have, say a slight bit of common sense, then yes the story is bullshit. The plot is so thin that I wonder if Roland Emmerich did the visual effects first before writing in a story. Or maybe he just hire a 10 year old ghost writer to write the screenplay... Hmmm....
Outrunning a volcano. Usain Bolt should be ashamed of himself.
Acting
If by acting you mean how the natural disaster perform? I say its fabulous. If I were to award next year's Oscar winner for Best Actor, I will give it to Mr. Tsunami himself! Mr. Earthquake comes close with his Jesus shattering performance, but it's Mr. Tsunami's White House smashing scene which killed the President of the United States (which conveniently is a black man played by Danny Glover) that totally swept me away. As for the rest of the human actors, they are just there to be killed by natural disaster or do something heroic and logic bending. If there's one human character that I actually liked was Woody Harrelson's hippy conspiracy theorists.
And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to..... Mr. Tsunami for 2012!!!
Direction
There's only one thing in Mr. Emmerich's mind and is how to destroy the world in the most beautiful way possible and with that, he succeeded. Maybe even outdid himself. Nevermind if the whole movie is way over bloated and too long, he knows that people don't really exactly mind if they get to see almost every single landmark in the world being destroyed by almost every single disaster thought possible. Nevermind if the scene is illogical, no one cares if they get to see people die from disasters. Like that particular scene where almost the whole world is almost destroyed by earthquakes and still one particular scientist from India can call his good friend using his cellphone who is in a cave in China! I hope Maxis is watching. If they can't guarantee me coverage come Armageddon, I am sure as hell changing my telco!
Conclusion
Watching 2012 is like watching porn. It excite your senses with its imagery but at the end of the day you get nothing out of it. It is a decent watch and satisfying too if all you want to see is natural disasters as the visual effects are the best I had seen so far.
5.5 out of 10
Story
It's 2012, it's the end of humanity as the world decided to fuck us good in almost anyway possible. There's some pseudo-Scientific explanation here and there, but fuck that. By taking interests of this movie just by watching the trailers and its other promotional materials you ain't here to watch scientists telling you WHY it will end. You are just here to watch HOW it will end. Practical bunch of people aren't we?
If you can believe a man can out-drive an earthquake that sank the whole of California, outrun a volcanic explosion and can escape unscathed (yes there's not even a scar on John Cusack's face at the end of the movie) despite coming face to face with almost any disaster ever known to man, then yes the story is Epic. If you are a person which have, say a slight bit of common sense, then yes the story is bullshit. The plot is so thin that I wonder if Roland Emmerich did the visual effects first before writing in a story. Or maybe he just hire a 10 year old ghost writer to write the screenplay... Hmmm....
Outrunning a volcano. Usain Bolt should be ashamed of himself.
Acting
If by acting you mean how the natural disaster perform? I say its fabulous. If I were to award next year's Oscar winner for Best Actor, I will give it to Mr. Tsunami himself! Mr. Earthquake comes close with his Jesus shattering performance, but it's Mr. Tsunami's White House smashing scene which killed the President of the United States (which conveniently is a black man played by Danny Glover) that totally swept me away. As for the rest of the human actors, they are just there to be killed by natural disaster or do something heroic and logic bending. If there's one human character that I actually liked was Woody Harrelson's hippy conspiracy theorists.
And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to..... Mr. Tsunami for 2012!!!
Direction
There's only one thing in Mr. Emmerich's mind and is how to destroy the world in the most beautiful way possible and with that, he succeeded. Maybe even outdid himself. Nevermind if the whole movie is way over bloated and too long, he knows that people don't really exactly mind if they get to see almost every single landmark in the world being destroyed by almost every single disaster thought possible. Nevermind if the scene is illogical, no one cares if they get to see people die from disasters. Like that particular scene where almost the whole world is almost destroyed by earthquakes and still one particular scientist from India can call his good friend using his cellphone who is in a cave in China! I hope Maxis is watching. If they can't guarantee me coverage come Armageddon, I am sure as hell changing my telco!
"I want more of whatever disaster you guys can think off right over there...."
Conclusion
Watching 2012 is like watching porn. It excite your senses with its imagery but at the end of the day you get nothing out of it. It is a decent watch and satisfying too if all you want to see is natural disasters as the visual effects are the best I had seen so far.
5.5 out of 10
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